Haven’t written something in English for a while now.
This maybe because my Filipino essays became more prominent than those that I wrote in English. Hehehe…
Let me give it a try…
Exaggerated.
That’s how most people would describe it.
They can’t believe that an 18-year old, supposedly and somehow mature person like me would act like a grade-schooler and would do childish things just because of her huge crush to some varsity basketball player from another school who seem to play only at the last few seconds of every game.
I was able to talk to a very dear friend yesterday about my obsession for Johann (Uichico). Yep. He’s the varsity basketball player I’m crushing (as in CRUSHING) on the past months (or specifically, since the start of the 67th UAAP season).
She was one of those people I could talk in a matter-of-factly manner, someone who could come up to me and tell me what an idiot I am at times (or should I say most of the time?) and I wouldn’t get offended, and probably, I would even thank her for telling me.
But then again, she is almost always the first person I run to for comfort and reassurance whenever I feel that the whole world disapproves or laughs at the things that I do.
And so I asked her, “Am I obsessing about him too much? Exaggerated na ba talaga ang mga ginagawa ko?”
I knew she would say yes.
She has started counting the number of times I mention the name Johann in our conversations. She saved the countless messages I sent her (and other people, too) about the Ateneo game, Johann’s birthday and other Johann stuffs that, as what she said, she and other people, wouldn’t give a damn at. She even reminded me of the “dumb” things I did ever since I got that “Johann fever”--- how I would shout “Go Johann!” from my Upper Box B seat at the Araneta Coliseum even if Johann’s team isn’t playing; how I would find myself scribbling Johann’s name over almost all pieces of paper that I see; how I would space out most of the time because of daydreaming about Johann; the eager look on my face whenever my Atenista friends would tell me Johann stories; and most of all, and the “dumbest”, she said, was how somebody as sane (supposedly) and as smart like me, would resort into joining a contest that would give me a chance to date a UAAP player of my choice (syempre Johann’s my choice), and even use my supposedly, writing talent.
So I sat down at my favorite chair last night and contemplated on the matter. What I was thinking at this point is that my most trusted friend already said that I’m exaggerating and agreed with what most, if not all, people are saying instead of the usual, “Don’t care about what they say” stuff she used to tell me. Oh, Diane, this contemplating thing is also so exaggerated already, I said to myself. But then again, I felt that I had to give it some thought, just so I can hopefully, figure out my next step.
I looked at the Johann profiles I’ve researched; the magazines with his pictures and articles about him; the pieces of paper with my Johann artworks and scribbles. I even began thinking about all the dream I had that he was part of; all the daydreaming about him; and the number of people I’ve talked that got irritated because I kept talking about him.
OA nga ‘ata.
But I couldn’t help it. I don’t know how to stop it, or even, if I should stop this obsession already. I couldn’t seem to figure out if I had gone overboard already. I just find myself doing those things and feeling happy, if not to mention euphoric, after doing everything that would brace or intensify my “Johann brouhaha”.
For God’s sake, I couldn’t even figure out why I had developed a crush on him in the first place. I just submitted to the possibility that I must be destined by God to go gaga over Johann.
And as I give this matter some thought, I remembered a mantra my friends and me would say in times of indifference like this--- “I don’t care what other people say. What matters is that I’m happy and I’m not hurting anyone…”
So I shouldn’t care if other people feel I’m exaggerating? Or in the first place, I shouldn’t believe that I am?
Well, honestly, I feel that all the things I did and will be doing because of this “Johann fever” may be too much and exaggerated. But I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m not hurting anybody. I’m just admiring and crushing on somebody, maybe, just a little crazier than what a normal person, or should I say, mature person would do, but it’s okay. I’m happy.
And Johann ought to be happy--- and flattered, too.
So I guess there’s no issue after all. I’m just exaggerating.
Oh, and by the way, can you count the number of times I mentioned Johann’s name in this piece?
